Interesting..

Last night was the lock-in. It was pretty fun. Ate some pizza, drank some pop. We got to do some community work and it was all worthwhile. I have a problem that I need fixed though. I am a huge flirt... I've known this for awhile but its gotten worse. Last year I made 2 guys like me because I flirted with them and then bam. They liked me. It was cruel because I was still hung-up on H. Not anymore though! (K sounds better than H.) This year I have had a crush on 8 guys! But I have flirted with a lot of people. And here's a dirty little secret: Almost every day I flirt with the guy that I know some of my friends like. I have felt guilty for awhile and I try to think of it as harmless but it's not. I'm glad that he might like someone that I know but I feel guilty that we flirt every day. And sometimes it doesn't bother me and I think, "Why not?" But I know why not. I'm not supposed to flirt with him because my friends really LIKE HIM! It's a cruel problem. But I stuck in the middle about whether or not I should be doing this. Which way should I lean? Keep it up because it's harmless, or stop. But if the answer is stop I'm afraid I won't be able too...

friends.

Friends are the ones that are supposed to pull us up when we are down. If a boy dumps or rejects us they will be there ready to kill the boy. But sometimes it feels like they just want to bring us down. They convince us of one thing when they know it is not the truth. Then one thing leads to another and we always end up getting hurt. They do something that crosses the line and we snap. So why is it that we put ourselves through with this? All of the fun activities and then it leads us up to this. Snap. The friendship trust bond is broken and they start to do things that bother us. After all of this has been mentioned they just yell at us. The truth is we don't deserve the people that are like this. But they are our friends so we put up with it even if it keeps us crying every single night. It's just something we convince ourselves that needs to be dealt with. Problem or no problem there must be a way around it. What if there is no way around it then and you have to separate? That is the time when you think about crying your eyes out the most thinking that it is over. All the sudden it is not over and you are putting yourself through it again and again and again. We care too much to let go even when it hurts almost as bad to keep holding on. Then what do we do? Pretend nothing has gone on and everything is okay? But that is what we must do because when your heart tells you to do something you follow it no regrets even if your brain tells you not too. Moral of the story is what do we do with friends? Keep them... or leave them?

love sucks.

Okay. So here it goes. I have never in my life been this confused about a boy before. I possibly loved H. But I know that is a tough topic so I'll avoid it. What I am talking about is K. I do not know why but for some reason I want him to like me sooo bad. There are many reasons why I like him but I have always wondered why he likes S and not me. I think about it each and every day and I still cannot come up with the solution. Sure he has liked her for 2 months but hello! She's not that special. Sorry if I sound like a brat but this is bothering me. Not being conceited or anything but I think I am just as pretty as she is. This always happens. Whenever I fall for a guy he likes someone else. And everyone says, "Oh Nikki. It's not a big deal. He was too stupid to say yes. He doesn't know what he's missing." But after awhile that saying gets old and you feel so crappy that you want to just give up. I continue to tell myself that I am Nikki and I AM fabulous. But it doesn't work. And all around you your best friends have boys that love them and you think, "How come the boy I like doesn't like me?" Rough. That's the suckiest situation ever. Boys were so much easier when they had cooties. But for me they never did. My first crush was pre-k. Imagine that. I loved a boy when I was a tot. But of course he didn't love me because he thought I had "cooties". Lovely. I start to think about high school and all the boys that I will meet there but what if they do not like me? I think I would be better off a hermit... Sounds good.


So hopefully he gets over S. But it's doubtful. Whatever. I'll get over it. Again.


Love your depressed friend,
Nikki
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hello again. The weekend was extremely interesting. Nothing too important happened. But I did talk to K. With E and L by my side. I'm thinking he's jealous because of my "crush" N. Funny cause the only person I have a "crush" on is him. But of course he does not know that. I will write more on that matter later. Need to go make some phone calls and such.

love you loads,
Nikki

Nikki's first blog!

Hey everyone in the world that will read this! My name is Nikki and this would be my first blog! Here i get to blog about all of my problems and you get to read all about my dramatic life. Sounds fun right? Because I always do know what is going on, this blog should be pretty interesting if I ever type anything in!

To start this sucker off I think I will tell you about my day. Never using names of course! My life is the most drama infested life there is. And I'm not being conceited that is just how it is.

OMG'S OF THE DAY!
News flash ladies and gents S broke up with long time boyfriend J. Surprised? I know I am. I thought they would last a bit longer. Guess things were not all that they were cracked up to be.

K is still dating S. Disgusting. I actually threw up in my mouth when I saw her picture. Looks like I'll have some work to do...

I is a complete jerk. Oh so your mother deletes phone numbers huh? Well my guess is that you will grow up to have an STD. Sweetie nobody likes a skank. Oh wait. My bad YOU do. Shame, you were actually on my good side for a bit.



So ISATS pretty much suck. I guess I did okay. Got them done but I'm not so sure on if the answers were all correct. Good thing about them is we get to be jacked up on smarties. Delish.


Nothing so major happened today. A little drama with some girls but you know how much girls love to talk. And people, favorite quote of all time, "You are never known until you are talked about."

So I'm going to go shower and do some appearance work. Keep checking for updates.

xoxo,
Nikki